Still discouraged

Well I lost the 2lbs I gained, but that is it!  I can't seem to find the motivation to exercise at all. I am eating so well for the most part.  I had a few days of binges, but it has been few and far between.  I am eating clean other than condiments like salad dressing.  I only have one piece of bread a day.  I am eating so much fruit and veggies it is crazy!  I only eat lean meats, I barely eat cheese and if I do it is only a low fat mozzarella string cheese stick.  I only drink skim and usually only have it in a smoothie so maybe one to two cups a day if that. I don't drink anything but water and herbal tea with stevia.  I don't use any sugar or any sweetener other than stevia.  I am eating under calories most days.  I only eat brown rice pasta and whole grain gluten free bread when I do.  I am eating as healthy as I can.  Why is the weight not coming off?  You can't tell me it's just because I am not exercising.  I mean is that the only true piece missing?  Starting Monday I am giving it my all with exercising.  I am going to try and walk tomorrow and Sunday to get started slowly.  This is just so frustrating.  I have been doing this for over a year and half and I just keep yo-yoing.  I know I have made many mistakes and I know I have given up many times, but I am tired of giving up.  If I could just see some results it would make it so much easier to really amp this up!  Ugh!  

So discouraged

I am so discouraged today!  I gained back 2lbs after doing everything I should be more or less.  I stopped doing Weight Watchers because I felt like I was able to cheat the system and I really was not losing weight.  I was yo-yoing back and forth.  So two weeks ago I joined myfitnesspal.  I had a hard time at first counting calories.  I had no idea what to do for dinner that was in a good range.  Snacks were hard to figure out.  And then I started getting it this last week.  Things started to click.

Now I have been eating clean since January 3rd.  Little to no processed or boxed food, lots of veggies, fruits, lean protein.  No caffeine, no sugar except in my dark chocolate which I eat sparingly.  No sweetener other than stevia in my decaf herbal tea or in my smoothies or yogurt.  I am also gluten free, so no beer, only 1 slice of gluten free bread a day, no pasta other than brown rice pasta maybe once every two weeks, no real carbs.  I am not really exercising, but with the way I am eating shouldn't the pounds be falling off of me.  I am also taking tons of vitamins and I am watching my sodium.  I am not salting my food and watching the amount that comes in my food.  I wanted to scream when I got on the scale today and saw that I gained 2 lbs.  I am doing this right and I am being penalized.  It makes me want to go eat and forget about trying to lose at all.

I have not really binged either.  I had a cheat day on Sat. with Fritos and bean dip and some brie, but not ungodly amounts like I used too.  I did have one night after taking my Ambien were I ate some brie and rice crackers.  Shouldn't of, but again it was not an ungodly amount.  It was only a little over my calories.  So why is this happening?  Why am I gaining instead of losing?  Ugh!

Our lives are really too short

I wanted to do something for SOPA today as most blogs and websites are, however I lost my lil half brother to a genetic blood disorder last night.  He was 33 yrs old.  He ended up with cirrhosis of the liver and the complications of that eventually took his life.   He was a vibrant, sweet, gentle, kind man.  He was extremely intelligent and loved to debate or give advice.  He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  We had different mothers and our father was not in our life.   We really hadn't known each other long.  Our father had passed away a few years ago from liver cancer and it brought us together.  I am so glad that it did.  In that short amount of time I had gained not just a little brother, but a friend.  I am heart broken.  I will miss him dearly.

As I think of him and his health I need to think of my own.  I have non alcoholic fatty liver disease.  If I lost a father to liver cancer and a brother to cirrhosis then what are my chances of having one of those things happen to me if I continue down the overeating path?  So I dedicate myself even more to getting healthy and losing weight.  I will live my  life to the fullest in honor of my little brother.   I love you Gentry!

I used to think I was the strangest person....

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you.” ~Frida Kahlo

I am also an artist and Frida is one of my favorites, as is this quote. 

Clean Eating book and my 5 things

So I have been at this weight loss thing forever it seems.  I have gone on and off of Weight Watchers many times.  And truthfully Weight Watchers works when you stick to it.  I however let stress and life get to me and get off the wagon and go back to eating large portions and unhealthy overly processed crap  food.  Now I can tell a big difference in my health when I am eating healthy or not.  I have IBS and GERD and these will also act up when not eating right.  I jumped off the wagon around Thanksgiving and continued until January 3rd.  I gained 14lbs over this time.  14lbs!!!!!  That is crazy!  A friend and I have been talking many times about "Clean Eating", we just didn't call it that.  Another friend has lost a large amount of weight and gained her health back by eating clean.  So I went to my handy dandy library and checked out a book called The Complete Idiot's Guide to Eating Clean.  This has totally changed my thinking on food.  Now I was trying to steer away from boxed and processed foods anyway, but this has made me want to do so even more.  If you get a chance check out the book from your local library and tell me what you think.






Now my 5 things I am grateful for from last night.

1. my kids (They will always be #1)

2. fresh strawberries with nonfat vanilla yogurt

3. swimming at the Y

4. reading a really good book on Clean Eating.

5. my new water bottle (it has the ounces marked on it so I can tell how much I am drinking so I am drinking more water to try and get my 64oz in.  Love it!!!)

What's for dinner and my 5 things

I found a great website for recipes for Weight Watchers members.  It's Gina's Skinny Recipes.  I have loved every recipe I have tried so far.  So tonight we are having the Crockpot Santa Fe Chicken.  I changed it up a little.  I am making it on the stove since our crock pot wasn't big enough to hold it all.  I cubed my chicken, I added green and red bell pepper, tomatillos and onion.  I sauteed them first with a little olive oil and garlic.  I also used vegetable broth instead of chicken broth.  I don't think it will affect the points much.  It was absolutely delicious!  I made so much that we will be having it again tonight.

My 5 things I am grateful for from last night.

1. My kids.  (We all took a trip to the library tonight.  My son might just enjoy graphic novels, but he is still reading so I will take it.  My daughter likes chapter books mostly, but she got some kid graphic novels too.  As long as they are reading I am a happy momma!)

2.The produce from the produce co-op I belong too.  I got a few extra things, such as brussel sprouts.  We now have 4lbs in our house.  We will eat 2lbs at a time though easily.

3. Grapefruit

4. Clean sheets and comforter on my bed.

5. Mostly clean bedroom 

The Happiness Project and starting a new year

So I am currently reading The Happiness Project.  The author tackles a different aspect of her life and tries to improve it in some way in order to make herself a happier.  It is a great guideline for anyone trying to improve their life and make it a little happier too.  So I will be tackling a new part of my life each month also in order to hopefully become a happier person and improve my life and the lives of those around me.  I am using the book as a guideline and will change it somewhat to fit my needs.  Such as the author in February tackles her marriage.  Well I am not married, well technically I am, but I am at the tail end of a divorce.  So instead I will tackle self love.  So hopefully I can follow this through as we all know how I start a project and then it slowly peters out.  Anyways wish me luck.

January is Vitality.  I have already started back on my Weight Watchers and I am slowly adopting clean eating habits.  I know I will not switch completely over to clean eating as I will not be making my own bread every day, nor can I afford all organic produce, or organic meats, but I will be adopting as much as I can into my and my family's lives.  I have bought some vitamins and I am going to start exercising again.  This is the hard part.  I don't want to exercise.  I would much rather sit my fat ass at a computer.  So this one will be a struggle.

The author also has a gratitude journal in which she writes 3 things she is grateful for each day.  The author feels that gratitude is important to happiness.  I already and have for some time wrote as a Facebook status 5 things I am grateful for most nights, but I will also try to include those here.   I too feel that gratitude is important to happiness.  We too often overlook the little things in life that make our lives just a little or a lot better.

My list from last night's FB status.

5 things I am grateful for today.

1. My kids (my daughter has a headache again today.  We are trying to hit it with an allergy pill too to see if it stems from that.  She stayed at a friends house who has dogs last night.  When she comes back from her dad's, who also has dogs, she complains of a sore throat and headaches.  She is asleep now thankfully, poor baby!  My son has spent the day with my niece and mom mostly.  We did watch some Spongebob together though.

 2. Fresh strawberries and nonfat vanilla yogurt.  So yummy!

3. All the clothes laundry is done.  I still need to wash my sheets and comforter, but I can do that later in the week.

4. Got to see my niece today.  She is such an intelligent, sweet, beautiful young lady going through a rough time.  I will always be here for her though.

5. Fresh pineapple